As a mother and now a grandmother, Janine Lowy has witnessed firsthand the confusion and fear that children feel in the wake of tragic events like natural disasters, conflict, and death.
Many parents in the Jewish community have been forced to broach these difficult topics with their children in the weeks since the terrorist group Hamas killed more than 1,400 innocent civilians in Israel on October 7.
“The effects of the horrific Hamas terrorists’ October attacks in Israel will continue to reverberate throughout the Jewish community and beyond,” said Lowy. “It’s so important to have a strategy in place to consider how to discuss these types of events with the children in your life.”
Janine Lowy sat down with us to share a few of the tips she’s picked up over the years to address difficult topics with children in a way that they can understand and digest.
Beginning the Conversation
Lowy recommends starting by waiting for a calm moment to ask children what they’ve heard about the situation. Children are more perceptive than most would think, Lowy said, and it’s likely that, even if they do not watch the evening news or follow global events on Twitter, they have a broad idea that something in the world is amiss. As you listen to what they have to say, control your own anxiety.
“Children are very in tune with what we feel,” said Lowy. If a child comes to you first to ask what happened, begin by asking What do you think happened? to gauge where they stand.
Offering Comfort
Navigating these conversations with children is often a balancing act, Lowy explained.
“You must both acknowledge and validate their feelings – while also making sure they feel safe,” Janine Lowy explained.
It’s important to remember that these are weighty topics: conflict is difficult enough for adults to comprehend, never mind children who are experiencing these realities for the first time.
If they are scared, don’t undermine their fear, Lowy said, but do tell them that there are many people (some refer to them as “helpers”) working to keep everyone safe and protected.
Answering Questions
Kids are curious; their sense that something is wrong will be coupled with a natural curiosity to know more. Anticipate questions, and keep your answers concise, direct, and gentle.
If a child asks something you don’t have an answer to, or don’t feel comfortable responding to, take a breath. Say something like: That is a great question. I want to think about my answer. I will come back to you.
“As long as they feel safe and taken care of, kids tend to move on quickly,” Janine Lowy said. “Try to shield them from the stress of unnecessary worrying.”
Limit Exposure
Children soak up their surroundings—it’s how they acquire language and learn to socialize. But in the context of tragic events, they can also pick up on messages and notes that they do not have the experience or context to fully understand.
This can be solved by limiting your children’s exposure to the tragic event, according to Lowy.
“Avoid discussing it all with other adults in front of your children or grandchildren,” said Janine Lowy. “If a conversation is about the events, it should be tailored for them to best absorb.
“And limit watching the news while they’re around,” Lowy continued. “To stay informed, read articles or plug in headphones and watch on your phone. Children are very impressionable. Even if you think they aren’t listening, they probably are.”
Keep a Routine
Keeping up appearances and maintaining a sense of normalcy is critical, Lowy said. Children thrive in structured environments—and there’s no need to cause a crisis at home.
“Maintaining a consistent rhythm offers a critical sense of stability and familiarity, especially for younger kids, so keep daily routines and sleep schedules as consistent as possible,” said Lowy.
Have Patience
Finally, be patient. Understand that during difficult times, children may benefit from extra attention, love, and gentleness.
These are challenging times for everyone, as Janine Lowy explained, even for our youngest. Parents and grandparents have a responsibility to help them process these events, she continued.
“It’s part of our role as their guardians,” she said.
